"Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic" – Hormones Gone Wild

If, like me, you were a flannel-decked teen in the '90s, chances are you’ve blasted the Red Hot Chili Peppers' “Blood Sugar Sex Magik” on your discman on your walk to school, while pretending to be in a music video. These days, the song is more than a nostalgia trip—it’s the oddly perfect anthem for what I see in my clinic: the hormonal chaos linking female fertility patients and older male veterans.

What could they possibly have in common? Insulin resistance. It’s not sexy, but it is powerful—and it’s messing with everyone’s hormones.

It All Starts with Blood Sugar

Thanks to genetics, stress, and a diet heavy in processed carbs and sugary drinks (yes, even “healthy” ones like Vitamin Water), insulin resistance is now practically a rite of passage. When patients wear continuous glucose monitors, they’re shocked to find that pizza and bagels spike their blood sugar more than candy.

And that sugar rollercoaster? It’s not just about diabetes—it’s hijacking your hormones.

Ladies First and the HOrmone Spiral

In women, insulin resistance often fuels PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which is more metabolic than gynecological—despite the name. Here’s what happens:

• Elevated androgens like testosterone lead to acne, facial hair, and hair loss.

• That testosterone then converts into estrogen, causing estrogen dominance, weight gain, and a higher risk of fibroids and cysts.

• Meanwhile, progesterone drops, periods get irregular or disappear altogether, and ovulation takes a hit—bad news for fertility.

Now the Fellas, The Estrogen Belly suprise!

In men, insulin resistance does the reverse. Belly fat becomes a factory for converting testosterone into estrogen. The result?

• Less muscle,

• More fatigue,

• Disappearing libido,

• Elevated risk of heart dieasee.

• And Body hair fading like your memory of the 90”s.

  Basically, your belly is working against your masculinity.
  
  Cortisol: The Hormone Saboteur

  Stress makes everything worse. Chronically high cortisol levels spike blood sugar just as much as dessert does. (Ever worn a CGM during tax season?) Many of my patients—especially those with PCOS—show sky-high cortisol on lab tests, making hormonal balance nearly impossible.

  Don’t Forget Your Gut

  Constipation is another common link, especially in PCOS. If you're not pooping regularly, you’re not clearing out excess estrogen—it's just getting reabsorbed. Add in microbiome imbalance, and you've got the perfect storm for hormone dysfunction.

So What’s a guy or gal to do?

1. Calm the Heck Down

Stress spikes cortisol. Cortisol spikes blood sugar. Find your zen: walk, meditate, laugh, delegate. And if that fails, hug your dog.

2. Cut the Sugar

No soda, sweet tea, juice, or sneaky “health” drinks.

• Eat more protein (grass-fed meat, nuts, legumes).

• Get at least 5 servings of real veggies daily (V8 doesn't count).

• Hydrate like it’s your job.
  
  

3. Try Acupuncture

It helps with hormone balance, gut health, stress reduction, and calming the nervous system. Bonus: it’s nap therapy with needles.

4. Use Plants, But Wisely

I’ve had great success with berberine, myo-inositol, DIM, vitex, and spore-based probiotics. But this is not a DIY project—what works for one patient may backfire for another. Hormone, blood sugar and microbiome testing is key, all of which I offer in my office.

Final Thought

Whether you're a woman struggling with fertility or a man watching his energy and libido fade, blood sugar isn’t just about diabetes—it’s at the root of a lot of hormonal misery.

So yeah, maybe “Blood Sugar Sex Magik” was never meant to be a hormone anthem. But if it gets stuck in your head every time you reach for a donut... I won’t be mad about it.

Why it’s important to solve this little canary in the coal mine with more than a pill from the pharmacy.  

There are times, it seems, that you can’t go on a raft trip in Durango without half of the women on your trip having Hashimotos.  No seriously, our raft trip of 26 people last summer included 5 women with hashi’s and that number was low because most of the folks on the trip were either under 12 or male.  Had we organized a trip of 26 women aged 30-50 our thyroiditis numbers would have been astronomical. I say we because I’m a member of the unofficial Durango Hashimotos club as well.  Before we dive into the how’s and what’s of this issue, I’ll take a moment to introduce you to:

The long and wildly pathetic list of hashimotos symptoms:  These are merely the ones I see most often at Durango Acupuncture Clinic, for a more complete list of woes click here:  https://stopthethyroidmadness.com/symptoms/

Joint Pain Hair Loss Brain Fog
extreme fatigue Dry skin Insomnia
Depression Cold hands and feet PMS
Anxiety Weight Gain Constipation
Mood Swings Constipation Infertility

Just to name a few…

Hashi-what?

Hashimotos is an autoimmune disease which is usually born from the hot and steamy love triangle of leaky gut (digestive and dietary issues), major hormonal shifts (think pregnancy and menopause) and adrenal fatigue (stress in a nutshell).  These immune, adrenal and hormonal stressors trigger thyroid antibodies to go all Rambo and attack your thyroid (among other organs), resulting in the lovely list of symptoms above as a result of low Thyroid stimulating hormone. Genetics can also play a big role into our susceptibility.  In my family, we share autoimmune disease like some families pass on good china or silver, it’s truly the gift that keeps on giving!

And why can’t we just pop a pill and forget about it?

You can just pop pills, but...While pharmaceuticals can provide symptomatic relief and prevent further destruction of your thyroid, they fail to solve the autoimmune issue that got you on the hashimotos bus in the first place.  Relying on medication alone is kind of like hiding in the bathtub while your house is on fire, sure, you’re feeling swell now, but give it a minute (or years) and things are going to get pretty uncomfortable. When the root is left untreated, those symptoms that originally disappeared with medication, can begin to slowly pop up again, along with a host of new and exotic autoimmune issues involving other organs and systems. Fun!

So What’s a girl to do?

1. Chill the heck out! Stress and adrenal taxation are recipes for autoimmune issues (among most other diseases).  Delegate, meditate, practice yoga (my class is at 4:30 on Tuesday’s, just say’in), play with your kids, let the laundry pile up, soak in a hot spring, ride your bike (shut the Strava off), laugh, walk your dog, take a moment to be present.

1. Heal your gut. Ditch the bread to start, (I know, I know, you hate me already but...) gluten has been shown in studies to have the effect of canned spinach on your Popeyed antibodies, enhancing their thyroid bashing abilities. Seal your gut lining with collagen rich bone broth or bone broth powders.  Eat fermented foods like sauerkraut, kimchi or kombucha to help repopulate the gut with good bacteria.

2. Get regular Acupuncture:  Acupuncture is clinically proven to calm your central nervous system, lower cortisol levels and reduce stress. Goodbye Adrenal taxation!  It’s also a wonderful way to balance hormones, address digestive and immune issues, increase energy and the body's ability to heal itself.  

At Durango Acupuncture Clinic, I see you as more than your long and sorry list of thyroid symptoms, I see you as the beautiful stressed out and under appreciated superwoman that you are! You’ll be encouraged to commit to self care, given some serious nurturing, dietary tips and recipes, lifestyle and supplement suggestions, Chinese herbs and someone who has experienced all that you’re going through to really listen to you.

Bring your Hashimoto's under control or even remission!  Regain your energy, vitality and balanced emotions, and Kiss that long and sorry list of symptoms goodbye.  Schedule now:  970-442-0284 or click the schedule button on this page.  Let’s set this canary free!